A long road ahead

When Emmett was about 18 months old I started to notice that he was a bit different than other children his age...I remember going to the health center and reading that kids his age should be saying something like 50 words, and Em was only saying 4 or 5. Things would bother him that wouldn't bother other kids, like people in a group laughing. He would plug his ears and hum when he felt uncomfortable or heard a noise he didn't recognize. He would point and whine for something he wanted, or use one word over and over, long after his peers started using simple sentences.

At first I just thought he was a late bloomer, and that he would catch up soon, and that the weird behaviors were just the quirks of a toddler. My mom tried to broach the subject with me gently (albeit not all that tactfully) and I kind of freaked out at her. I took it as an attack on my parenting, that he was behind and different because of something I did/didn't do. Still I told myself that he WAS going to catch up, it was just a matter of time, that by the time he was 4 or 5 this would all be a distant memory.

Then he was 3 1/2 pushing 4, and the "toddler quirks" weren't going away. The words "autism spectrum" came into my head from nowhere one day, and I started to research. I cried as I recognized many of Emmett's "quirks" on a list of "symptoms". I was quickly pulled out of my denial.

Nobody wants to be in the "special needs club". Nobody gets pregnant with the hopes of having a kid that's behind, that's different. I will be the first to admit I spent a day crying and feeling super depressed about it...then I woke up the next day I decided it was time to DO something. Denial wasn't going to help my child, and crying that it wasn't fair wasn't going to help him either. He needed ME to advocate for him if he was going to get the chance to live up to his full potential...whatever that may be. I realized that loving Emmett for the unique little person that he his and helping him be happy and successful on HIS terms was more important than him being the same as his peers.

I took him to our family doctor a couple of months ago and told him about my concerns with the hope of getting a referral to a pediatrician. I wasn't prepared to be treated like an overprotective mom with nothing better to do and to have my concerns challenged at every point. I stuck up for myself though and got my referral. Yesterday Emmett saw the pediatrician (who was MUCH better, and thoughtfully listened to my concerns and asked questions). She wasn't able to tell me anything right away...she's not totally convinced it's autism but agreed there was enough concern to do further testing. He's getting a full workup as well as some genetic testing, and he'll be going to a preschool assessment centre for a full evaluation. The process is going to take somewhere in the ballpark of a year. While it's frustrating that the wait is so long, starting now means we should have some answers before he starts kindergarten and hopefully we can get him in any special programs that he needs.

Emmett really is a joy to parent...he's a big time mama's boy and I love that he's my little buddy. We love to read together, sing together, have tickle fights. We even have inside jokes! I believe he came to our family on purpose...he needed us and we needed him. I don't know where this journey is going to take us, and I know there are many challenges ahead, but I also know that somehow everything is going to be OK.